The Asian Market Chronicles Presents:
A Waeguk-Saram’s Guide to Korean Products at your local Korean Market
You want great food quick? Impossible, there is no such thing as this you indolent person (that means lazy for those too lazy to pick up a dictionary). But Minute Curry is a decent option on a late work night. Experience two servings of Korean Culture for under $2.00. Add some steamed rice, maybe an egg or some tater tots , and you have some proper bachelor/bachelorette chow. Mmm simple single life…
Ah yes, Pomegranate Vinegar, the staple beverage served at any sampling station in a Korean Market. The nice lady selling the vinegar approached me claiming, “it will make you more handsome, it is healthy, and it tastes good”.
Will it make me more handsome? Probably not, I have seen no studies quantifying the effects of drinking vinegar to increasing handsomeness. Besides that, you can’t mess with success. hehe
Is it healthy? Sure, multiple reports have shown the health benefits of vinegar. It has anti-ahterosclerotic properties which could lower blood pressure, its rich in flavonoids to boost memory and mood
Does it taste good? No. Unless, of course you are a flavor sensory masochist, to which I say “drink up”.
The lesson here, not everything that is good for you tastes good. Suck it up, take a drink, and be healthy.
The KPop CD
Listen to music “performed” by pretty young people with styled hair, BB Cream porcelain skin, and either toned abs or shaved legs, all for a stunning deal of $24.00 for six songs (two of which were hits, and four of which are “meh”, so you’re effectively paying $12.00 per song).
If you buy a KPop CD, you will be able to go to sleep knowing you supported an artist, a card with an invitation to join a fanclub, get an ornate CD case, a book with lyrics, and most likely get a poster of a pretty young person with styled hair. But when those two songs you like come on, pump up the volume and scream those few English lyrics.
I had my doubts before purchasing this product. The dark swampy green color, the bottle shaped like a household drain cleaner, and be it plum juice, it would most likely be drain cleaner for my digestive system. Nevertheless, a few elderly Korean folk advised me to try a bottle and placed one in my basket, so as a respectful gentleman, I obliged and bought a bottle. Much to my surprise, the Plum Juice was actually pretty good. A light sweetness, undertones of grape flavor with none of the tartness, a rich fragrance, an overall delightful experience.
The lesson here, take a swig of some Plum Juice, don’t judge a book by its cover, and listen to Korean elderly folk.
Oh wait don’t forget…
The Gangnam Style Singing Toothbrush
Tired of brushing your teeth to the sound of birds chirping or even more boring, blissful silence. Tired of being teased in class for having a regular toothbrush and not one with a Korean animated character like all the popular kids? Tired of the persistent pain of lugging your enormous MP3 player every time you go to the bathroom? Behold, the revolutionary Gangnam Style Toothbrush! The party only ends when the batteries die! No more
In all seriousness, thank you PSY for giving all adults the opportunity to ride the imaginary horse they forgot about in Preschool, and those without rhythm a new move in their repertoire after “YMCA” and “The Macarena.